Communicating to get what you want

Communication is how you let others know what you need and persuade them to share that with you

You can learn people’s preferred communication styles by reading their body language and responses to you on these two spectrums

• The pace at which they move, speak, or process new information

• How agreeable they are with new people or new information

These two spectrums can be traced to numerous personality and behavior style assessments such as Big 5 Personality Traits or DiSC assessments.

Humans have observable behaviors and language that clue you into how they prefer to communicate. After learning their preferred style, you are able to craft your language to make the most out of your words. Applying this information is exactly how I got hired into my dream job.

First, when observing someone’s pace, consider:

• Is she in a hurry to share her thoughts or willing to take time to process?

• Does he interrupt you before your point is finished?

• Does he share only when asked?

Next, when observing someone’s agreeability, consider:

• How warm and friendly is he?

• Does she respond to your ideas with excitement or skepticism?

• Does he nod along or remain stern as you share?

If someone is fast paced and agreeable, you will successfully communicate by looking for opportunities to collaborate, highlighting their social credibility, or giving them chances to take action with your support.

If someone is fast paced and skeptical, the best way to communicate is by highlighting the logic or reasoning supporting your perspective, giving them a vision of the results and end product, or allowing them to drive the project or conversation.

If someone is slow paced and agreeable, try connecting with them on a personal level, supporting their ideas, or providing a stable and secure environment for you to work together.

If someone is slow paced and skeptical, give them the hard facts and data first, allow them time to process your requests, or detailing the project from start to finish and highlighting their involvement each step of the way.

When I was 24, I set my sights on working for my dream company - a youth development and corporate team building organization serving schools and companies in Los Angeles. After I got into contact with the owner, I shared my portfolio, resume, skill set, past work experience, and much more with her.

However, after months of conversations and trying to build the case that she should hire me, I just wasn’t getting through to her. She was fast paced and agreeable and wasn’t sure I could add value to her company. I had provided everything on paper to prove my value, but it wasn’t enough.

During a conversation in October of 2018, I realized I needed to sit with her face to face and share my story, my passion. I had to back up all of the information I shared on paper. I told her I’d be in LA the following month to show her how serious I was.

Three weeks later I boarded the flight. I spent a few days at her company volunteering on programs and interviewing with the team. I needed to seal the deal during the 4 day trip. On my final day as the Uber picked me up for the airport, she offered me the job. Months and months of conversations, emails, portfolio refinement may have supported the effort, but it was not possible for me to get that job without recognizing what I needed to communicate.